I wasn’t doing very well last summer. I felt very restless and lonely, which in turn made me feel dispirited and depressed. I sometimes had destructive thoughts which I just about managed to contain, but this also exhausted me. The reason for all this was that, due to certain circumstances, my partner was not capable of paying much attention to me at the time. He had other things on his mind.
I knew that I couldn’t solve this on my own. Then I thought about Robert. I’ve known him for years, also did the course a while ago, and it was time again for a good talk. It was quite clear to me how emotionally dependent on my partner I had become. All the more reason to explore this with Robert and develop myself.
In the first session we did some exploring and Robert invited me to seek my Inner Child. Until then I had never managed to do this. To be honest I had also kept some distance. I felt there was a lot of negative energy around this child I preferred to stay well away from. A type of energy that can activate a lot of destructive thoughts.
But I almost immediately faced this Inner Child, with the image of a small child in a wicker basket that is calmly floating on the water, in between the fringes of reeds. It has a belly well-filled with warm milk, but is oh so unhappy and frightened….. It craves love and attention…. Having contact with this child was not difficult and I regularly did this after this first session. In the beginning I had to find the right moment and suitable form, but it eventually became a moment of reflection in bed every night. Making contact and feeling what this child needs, singing a lullaby in thought and ‘holding’ it.
This contact with my Inner Child and taking care of it myself instead of wanting someone else to do this gave me a lot of strength and calmness at that moment – and it still does.
We developed this theme further in the second session.
Robert and I took things a step further in the third session. I told Robert that all my life I’ve felt like I ended up ‘in the wrong film’. Deep down I don’t really understand much about this earthly world and how people treat each other (and animals and nature). I’d learned earlier that I’m possibly still too attached to ‘up there’ and I’ve mainly focused on really settling during the past decade. Accepting the good and the bad in others and in myself and seeing that I have a purpose here on earth.
During this session Robert and I talked with the Field, as Robert calls it. We did this by first making contact with the child and through this, asking for contact with the Field. Here too I made contact very soon. I immediately felt enormous warmth, emotion and power come over me. The image I had was that of a huge slowly turning mass of air and light I had contact with through a type of a hurricane-hose. I also heard soft whispering, with an enormous wisdom of everything that has been and is still to come, i.e. completely timeless and transparent.
This contact is really clear to me, it gave me a strong sense of recognition, of coming home. What so special was about it is that I saw that everyone on earth has this same connection, whether or not it is developed and used. We are connected via this huge awe-aspiring ‘umbrella’ that always and forever ‘hangs above us’. This gave me the insight and the moving experience to view the connection and contact between people this way, with a lot more grandeur, mildness and compassion.
I also learned to make almost daily contact with the Field. It gives me strength, autonomy and rest. What’s so special is that you can also ask the Field questions and sometimes get wonderful insights/answers in return. This also happened to me.
Something very different is that, during one of the times I had contact with the Inner Child and the Field I suddenly got a wonderful perception: I call it the mystical meaning of Christmas. I suddenly understood its deeper meaning, namely that the child is shown to the heaven and earth! Where the vulnerability of the child meets the primitive strength of the universe.
Robert taught me that you can only make contact with the Field if you first have contact with the Inner Child. What I’ve also recently noticed is that it cannot be fooled! In my desire for contact with the Field, I sometimes switched from contact with the child too soon in order to be in touch with the above. But this doesn’t work. Contact with the child is therefore the most essential or in any case, a real precondition.
This enriching contact with the child and the Field has given me a lot of inner calm, faith and strength. Autonomy. Where I used to need my partner to take care of my child for the ‘hole in my soul’, I’ve now learned to do it myself. This strength is given to me by the Field.
I’ve noticed that it also makes me stronger / more autonomous in other areas of my life. For instance, with family and friends but also in my work. The relationship with others – or to put it differently, wanting to keep this relationship strong – is much less important.
What I should also mention is that these destructive thoughts never occurred again, they vanished into thin air….. While they had always been a part of me when I faced serious disappointments or difficult situations, I never had them again and they are now still miles away from me.
And now, a few months later, I still feel I can trust myself. That the child is safe with me, which I’m proud of. I could not have foreseen this development when I restarted the sessions with Robert. With this depth and with a far-reaching impact on the rest of my life….. Thank you Robert!
February 2012
Anja
