On a certain day I felt miserable, I had lost a son, two years before, and his birthday was coming up.
I sat down with a heavy burden of loss, guilt and misery. After a while I decided to look at this pain and confront it. But it overwhelmed me and I knew that I needed help.
At the very moment of realizing this, I heard a calm voice saying: “Why don’t you ask for it?” As the voice was encouraging, I asked at once: “Can you help me please?”
Immediately I felt a wide, present Awareness enveloping me, and the burden of grief had gone. I was left in wonder.
I am not a religious person in the traditional way, but I knew that something out of the ordinary had happened. It even felt as a moment of grace.
This presence of Awareness stayed with me for some time and then, gradually it disappeared.
Later in time I felt depressed once again and I wondered if I could ask for help once more. At the moment that I was thinking this, the feeling of Presence was there again and I felt lifted up.
Now I know that this Present Awareness can be reached, when I ask for it. I know it is there, an Awareness-field around me, that can make its healing Presence felt.
It is not just a peak-experience, as Maslow called it, but it is something that is continually there. I can be connected with it if I need its support and when I am humble enough to ask for it.
After some time, I felt the wish to really understand what had happened, so that I could share this with other people. In the end, nothing of this might be new, but as I believed already in the existence of the energy field around us, and now had the experience of this field in action, I wanted to see if there was a possibility to use this experience in the context of the Psychology of the Selves.
Robert Stamboliev did the suggestion to write it down and also I talked about this with my friend and colleague David Grabijn, a Voice Dialoguer from the start.
Let us suppose, we said to each other, that our life-energy is also a quantum-energy, as for instance Light is, and that it can also exist either as a wave or as particles. We could then translate this to our selves, either being in an energy-state or manifesting in different selves.
In our awareness, our aware ego, we could then have a further choice of either balancing our selves or going into this being-state of pure energy. And from there it might be possible, if the right way is found, to connect with the living energy-field around us and feel its Presence.
I wanted to share this with you to see if you have any suggestions to find a way to give it a place in our Transformational work, either in a Voice Dialogue session, or in a separate setting, in order to try it out. Robert and I decided to experiment with it.
Clients don’t have to believe in this energy-field (although reading Lynne Mc.Taggart’s The Field and Erwin Laszlo’s Cosmic Vision may help).
Some clients didn’t believe in sub-personalities either and thought Voice Dialogue was mere role-playing. Until they experienced the energies of the selves. Then there was only amazement.
It will be the same with the energy-field. It will itself make present when we ask for it from our inner being, aware of our belonging to it. Then there will be more wonder.
Jerien Koolbergen, June 2005
